- DC: Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
- Marvel: YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
- DC: We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
- Marvel: HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
- DC: The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
- Marvel: DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
- DC: After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
- Marvel: PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
- DC: We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
- Marvel: NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
- DC: We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
- Marvel: NEW LATINA GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
- DC: We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
- Marvel: FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
- DC: Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
- Marvel: NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
- DC: Wait-
- Marvel: NEW FEMALE THOR
- DC: I didn't-
- Marvel: NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
- Marvel: TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE
- Marvel: PEACE
do you ever think about the judges for the triwizard tournament trying to figure out who to kidnap for the second task
like they’re all just sitting in dumbledore’s office and karkaroff goes “well word on the street says that krum has a crush on that granger girl”
"damn," says dumbledore, "I wanted harry to rescue her. well, what about the delightful miss chang?"
"no," says bagman, "we’ve got her down for diggory"
"stop sinking my ships," says dumbledore
people run “aesthetic blogs” where they just reblog pics of like neon lights and pools of water and weird textures and stuff and i don’t really get it but i like to look at those blogs, it’s nice to know that you guys are out there, always silent, never getting into fights, just reblogging pics of wrinkled plastic bags… keep doing ur thing
You know this scene?
They weren’t supposed to touch him
I still would’ve
I know Hayley’s was unscripted but if Dominic wasn’t supposed to touch him either, that just makes everything that much more hilarious because Chris Evans’s milkshake brings EVERYONE to the yard.
Swear to god, some guys are terrified that girls are faking common interests to impress them and act really hostile towards anyone they even SUSPECT of doing such a thing
but then they turn around and fake a whole friendship in the hopes of getting sex out of girls, and get mad at them when it doesn’t work
and they super do not see the irony in that